Found this on another site, enjoy! 
FACTS OF LIFE FROM PETER KAY
* Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
* At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
* One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
* You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
* Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 5378008 into a calculator.
* Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
* Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
* You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
* Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
* You never know where to look when eating a banana.
* Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
* Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
* Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
* You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
* Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
* The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
* The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
* Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
* Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
* Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
* Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
* Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
* You never ever run out of salt.
* Old ladies can eat more than you think.
* You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
* There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
* No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
* Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
* The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
* People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
* You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.
* Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
* Bricks are horrible to carry.
* In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
FACTS OF LIFE FROM PETER KAY
* Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
* At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
* One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
* You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
* Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 5378008 into a calculator.
* Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
* Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
* You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
* Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
* You never know where to look when eating a banana.
* Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
* Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
* Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
* You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
* Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
* The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
* The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
* Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
* Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
* Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
* Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
* Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
* You never ever run out of salt.
* Old ladies can eat more than you think.
* You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
* There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
* No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
* Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
* The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
* People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
* You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.
* Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
* Bricks are horrible to carry.
* In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
