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Robot Bartender

PaulH

Active Member
There was this new bar in town that everyone was talking about because it had a robot-bartender. A man walks in to see this for himself.

He sits at the bar and sure enough, a robot was tending the bar. The man orders a drink, and the robot asks him what his IQ is. The man replies that his IQ is 150. So the robot begins discussing nuclear physics, Hydrogen power cells, and the current state of the global atmosphere. The man is amazed.

He has to see how good this robot really is.

He leaves the bar and comes right back in and sits at the bar. Again, the robot asks him for his IQ. This time the man replies "100." So the robot discusses football, basketball, and the proper way to grill a steak.

The man leaves and comes back in for a third time. This time he tells the robot that his IQ is 50.

The robot replies, "So, are you really going to vote for Bush again?"
 

Skibum

Senior Member
FREE KITTENS!

Lil Suzy had a box of very small kittens that she was to give away, so she had them out on the street corner with a sign "FREE KITTENS" next to them.

Suddenly a big line of big black cars came up with a policeman on a motorcycle in front.
The cars all stopped and a tall man stepped out from the biggest car.

"Hi, little girl, what do you have there in the box?" he asked.

"Kittens", Lil Suzy says. "They're so small, their eyes are not even open yet."

"What kind of kittens are they?" he asked.

"Democrats," says Lil Suzy. The tall man smiled, returned to his car and they drove away.

Sensing a good photo opportunity, Sen. John Kerry called his Campaign manager and told him about the little girl and the kittens.
It was planned that they would return the next day, have all the media there and tell everyone about these great kittens.

The next day, Lil Suzy is standing out on the corner with her box Of kittens with the "FREE KITTENS" sign and the big motorcade of black cars pulled up with all the vans and trucks from ABC, NBC, CBS, and CNN.

Everyone had their cameras ready and then, Sen. Kerry got out of his limo and walked up to Lil Suzy.

"Now don't be frightened," he said, "I just want you to tell all these nice news people just what kind of kittens you're giving away today."

"Yes sir," Suzy said, "they are all REPUBLICAN kittens."

Taken by surprise, Sen. Kerry said, "But yesterday, you told me that they were DEMOCRATS."


Lil Suzy says, "Yes, I know. But today, they have their eyes open."
 

BraveSirRobbin

Moderator
Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his Washington, DC parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. It was then he noticed a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the US Senate for assistance. The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Senator Kerry. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St.Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Senator Kerry, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment ..............

Father O'Malley then replied:

"Aye, that's certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin." :)
 

Skibum

Senior Member
Most of you may already know they've released John Hinckley from the mental facility for unsupervised visits to his parents home on weekends.


For those of you who may be too young to remember, John Hinckley shot President Ronald Reagan to impress the actress Jodie Foster. On the day of his release, this nice letter was sent to John Hinckley from President Bush:

THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON D.C.

Mr. John Hinckley
St. Elizabeth's Hospital
Washington, DC

Dear John:

Laura and I hope that you are continuing your excellent progress in recovery from your mental problems. We were pleased to hear that you are now able to have unsupervised visits with your parents. The staff at the hospital reports that you are doing fine.

I have decided to seek a second term in office as your president and I would appreciate your support and the support of your fine parents.

I would hope that if there is anything that you need at the hospital, you would let us know.

By the way, are you aware that John Kerry is sleeping with Jodie Foster?

Sincerely,


George W. Bush
 

BraveSirRobbin

Moderator
My Favorite of All Time!:

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced the altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted. "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman replied, "You are in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be a Republican," said the balloonist.
"I am," said the woman. "How did you know?"
"Well", answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you have not been much help so far."
The woman below responded. "You must be a Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "You don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is: you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
 

zack

Active Member
Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States."
 
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