Yup; I would suggest to concentrate on the infrastructure and its relation to your automation needs.
Curious if you are utilizing a contracting company that is willing to work with you on your automation needs; well even letting you subcontract or DIY your own stuff?
During the tear down and rebuild in Florida (some 2-3 year process) did mention my proficiencies and needs to the contractor before the contract to build was signed.
I did really didn't say I wanted automation rather I said I wanted this and that relative to infrastructure and reviewed contractors proficiencies with other local home builds while concurrently and subtily changing my home drawing prior to construction. Got a bit picky sometimes stopping an endeavor mid stream being sort of blunt which sometimes was a PITA to do during my short visits. I did not really have the time nor inclination to micromanage; but to get what I wanted I needed to. (best bang for the buck stuff).
With a base infrastructure you can do anything and it will be your least costly methodology of providing you with automation.
Today you can automate anything.
That said the "base" can be stuff like wiring your electric with an "automation cap" on; from the outlet, placement of lighting, switch and fuse panel.
Your HVAC; well a design relative to getting the best bang for your buck; not really relating to automation but rather efficiency. (cooling your home with one ice cube or heating it with one candle analogy).
Remote control is a nice to have and will provide you will some mechanism of watching over / management your system.
Today much new automation;
quick and easy; uses a sort of touch less hand free thing putting the automation application(s) in the "cloud". Most folks are carrying cell phones with same said always on connectivity to the cloud making this even an easier methodology relating to the
quick and easy. That said; my personal choice is to keep the automation home with me being privy to do what I want to do with it when I want to do it. (guessing that human piece of interaction to my automation). Automation isn't one size fits all and it's really up to you and your personal choices.
Just stating with a good solid "automation" infrastructure you can open a window that will provide you will more time to decide on topologies of transport, et al type stuff.
Personal familiarity / preferred choice relative to software (or OS) provides that "warm and fuzzy" means of how you talk to your automation; IE: console connectivity to your automation; physical (analog) hardware piece to the management of same said stuff.
Both Leviton / Elk are mentioned much here by the users of the forum. Both companies introduced combination security and automation control in firmware many many years ago. The forum here is made up of many DIYers that have utilized said panels. There are differences and many similarities between the two panels. There are users here on the forum using HAI/Elk stuff from the 90's and automating their homes just fine today. Here purchased an early security / automation panel in the 80's which provided base security features, text to speech and talked X10. Geez even paid international phone rates to remote a home outside of the US in the late 70's (the phone call let me have a bit remote control).
I use the Leviton HAI OPII panel and Homeseer software in one home and just the panel in Florida today. The software feeds my automation hobby playing while the panel keeps the heatbeat of the home running with little interaction from me. There is an iOS means of connectivity and management of the Leviton HAI OPII panel mentioned here on the forum. The application is called Haiku. Homeseer software has an iOS means of console access.
Whatever you decide to use should fit a "bill of materials" for your own personal needs.
Its your home and your automation. Today (just in the last couple of years) there has been a logarithmic increase in the means and mechanisms of automation to the home. There are patent wars right now relating to who / whom did or is doing what first relative to "automation". Have a look see.
Relating to lighting control transport you mention Insteon. Insteon uses the powerline and wireless.
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how much "customization" you can do on it?
It will do whatever fits my needs. It doesn't talk to Insteon today. I have a sandbox of automation in the midwest and rely on utilizing UPB for my light switches. (while still having X10, Insteon, Z-Wave and now Zigbee switches and "do whats".)
House in Florida is not a sandbox of sorts and only use one transport technology for my lighting.
Relating to your automation needs and wants.....
Read the various threads here on the forums relating to the evolution of automation. The "obi wan" DIYers here that have been automating their stuff for many years.
With a solid automation infrastructure base; you will have time to decide what technologies you want to utilize and means of use.
BTW most of the major FEMA = > building code changes happened in the late 90's. Such that today some 15 years later there really is no cost increase justification based on said codes as new construction has been similar now for 15 years. It has only had very minor tweaks.
Weather there other than a couple of "gotchas" hasn't changed much in the last 100 years; you already know that.
Serenity for me has been just walking and hearing but not listening to the ocean and soaking in the tropical climate.
Relating to home owners insurance; preference is to take that off line.
You have come to the right place.