Do NOT Read This Post If You Are A Lawyer


An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his
dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty
soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in
hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've
got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the
engineer is a pretty popular guy. He even starts to incorporate some automation and home theater in the place.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer,
"So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air
conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this
engineer is going to come up with next. We even have automation and can remotely control our home theater systems"

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he
should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way." I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm
keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where
are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
What do you have with 700 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean???

A Good Start!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehehe

Lawyers and Diapers actually have something in common. There comes a time to change them now and then.... and usually for the very same reason.
I think lawyers should be treated like condoms; FU*K with them once then flush them away! ;)

A ship goes down in to middle of the ocean. One small group of survivors are adrift in a leaking raft when they go aground on a coral reef surrounding an island with palm trees, freshwater, and wild pigs.

The island is too far to swim to, and waters between the reef and island are filled with sharks.

Everyone on the raft tries to come up with a way to get to the island, but no one seems to have an idea.

Finally one man stands up and calls to the sharks. The biggest and meanest looking shark swims over, the man kneals down and whispers to the shark.

The shark looks at the man, blinks its eye, swims away.

The people look on in amazement as the sharks lineup side-by-side from the reef to the island.

The man leads the people across the sharks backs to the island.

When all the people are across one person turns to the man and asks "HOW?"

The man answers "I'm a LAWYER and that was just a professional courtesy"! :(
Do you know what to do if you come across a lawyer choking?


ED DeLeon,
President, Montecito Casino, Las Vegas
LAS VEGAS,Season one
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side.

He ordered his driver to stop, and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, well, you can come with me to my house," instructed the lawyer.

"But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me!"

"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer.

He turned to the other man and said: "You come with us, too."

"But I have a wife and six children," the second man answered.

"Bring them as well" replied the lawyer.

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows said: "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied: "Glad to do it. You'll love my place; the grass is almost a foot tall."
A young women asked her doctor if she could become pregnant from having anal sex....... the doctor stopped and thought for a minute and the said "why hell yes, where do you think lawyers come from?! :wacko:
Know the difference between a dead possum and a dead lawyer in the road?

Skid marks in front of the possum! :wacko:
A lawyer walks into a packed court room with a pig (no pun intended) under his arm.

The judge stares directly at the lawyer and says "Where did you get that" ?

The pig says "I won him in a raffle " !