Your wires have no colors? Very strange. Hot is easy. Set meter to 300v range, connect one probe to ground and test for 110v at each of the wires. In 66% of traditional 3-way wiring circuits, one of the two switches has a connection to hot. There will be no wire running to the other switch that's always hot. That's why I can't understand how you could "hook the switches up the same way". Anyway, my xp is with switchlincs. The first thing I do is designate the location of the master switch. this must be the same box where the light feed ends up. There needs to be an always hot connection/neutral connection to this box as well. Sometimes I get lucky and there's a 3 wire cable going to the slave box. If this is the case, then whichever box has hot sends that and neutral to the other box over black/white. Red becomes the signal. More often than not, its more complicated as valid 3-ways can have the load first, in the middle or at the end of the wiring run.
If the light's at the beginning of the run then the pooch is pretty much screwed since hot comes out at the light fixture and there's generally only a two wire cable going to the first 3 way switch. Sometimes you get lucky and there's also hot/neutral in that box too.
If the light's in the middle, the wiring is almost as complicated since hot exits at one switch, there's a three wire to the light and a three wire from the light to the other switch. Often times, the end switch has no power so you're stuck needing 4 wires from the first switch to the light. A "to-code" solution requires running more wire to the light. However, there are not-to-code solutions as well (I've heard)
Anyway, if this all sounds like gobble-de-gook, I highly recommend that you purchase a copy of the Black and Decker "Complete guide to home wiring". They list most common circuit wiring diagrams on page 126-166. The three common 3-way techniques are listed there on pages 163-164.
What kind of X10 switches are you using btw?
