What you see with your install is probably typical of 75% of the mom and pop or national installs out there.
Firmware should always be viewed as an as-needed item with embedded hardware. If you don't have issues or the firmware isn't correcting a specific item or adding functionality, it shouldn't be touched. We're not talking a sophisticated server based system or software that requires specific firmware to facilitate an upgrade. Especially in the case of HAI and Elk, firmware should be a last item to push.
I would agree with them assisting to have an end user access the panel via RP, especially if the system was under contract. Remember, liability. They delivered a functional system, assuming they did a 100% test prior to handover. There's a lot of things that a novice or inexperienced persons can break within the M1 to prevent the system from functioning properly....even misunderstanding upload/download terminology could wipe the panel clean.
As far as what they did or did not install accessory wise would be a discussion of scope, liability or even warranty. If they had to provide a warranty on the system as a whole, if they added components provided "by others" to their system which may or may not function or cause other items to not function properly (as via RP or rules) then it becomes a discussion regarding whether or not a warranty call becomes billable when it's discovered that the core system functioned properly or the additional items caused the issue....basically what happens in the large scale commercial and integration world. Without knowing what was contracted and provided by who, I can't comment as to whether or not there was a misstep, but I'm reading the scenario as a liability question.