You know you're a speed freak if ...


Staff member
I have been told many times that I have a lead foot, so when I read this, I was smiling of course! I found this on another forum, but had to share this ;)

1) The emissions test guy starts laughing as soon as you pull into their bay.

2) You can't drive your car in the rain.

3) Your 'significant other' is afraid to drive your car.

4) You are afraid to drive your car.

5) Your 'Significant other' won't even ride in the car.

6) You spend more on tires than on food.

7) Your local DOT decides not to re-pave your street with that new rubberized asphalt because you've already 'done such a good job.'

8) You spend more on car insurance than on house payments.

9) Your insurance company had to create a whole new actuarial table to cover you and your vehicle.

10) Your insurance agent sends 'Thank You' postcards from Tahiti.

11) You have ever argued with your wife over making the mortage payment or buying that new set of headers while they're still on sale.

12) You see a picture of your car taped to the bulletin board at your local police station.

13) Your local city council has passed an ordinance making it illegal for you to even enter a school-zone unless you are foot.

14) Traffic advisories are issued whenever your car is spotted during rush-hour.

15) You have to go to the track to buy gas.

16) Your mechanic names the new wing of his shop after you.

17) You have speed shops on your telephone speed-dial.

18) You're tempted to wear your fire suit just to drive to the office.

19) You refer to the intersection at the end of your street as turn #1.

20) You get pulled over for doing 155 in a 35 but the cops will let you go if "they can look under the hood."

21) News footage of cops chasing you is used as a training video at your state's police academy.

22) You are not allowed to run in the Silver State Challenge.

23) You get an anonymous phone call asking if you are interested in being in the Cannonball Run.

24) Your face looks like you are riding a NASA centrifuge when you drive the car.

25) You need parachute braking.

26) There is no possible way to "sneak out" of your neighborhood at 6 am.

27) Your pets scramble for their hiding spots as soon as the garage door is opened

28) Fuel is delivered to your home in 55 gallon drums.

29) You wear earplugs in your car.

30) You find out that stock side mirrors don't hold up at speeds exceeding 145 mph.

31) Your exhaust pipes are a larger diameter than your driveline.

32) Your fuel pump can be used to water a golf course.

33) Your engine idles at 2800 rpm.

34) You measure the fuel you use in "gallons per mile".

35) The local airport complains about the noise coming from your garage on Saturdays.

36) The fire department has ever showed up at your house because alarmed neighbors reported smoke billowing from your garage.

37) You get upset when your kid only gets a 'C' autoshop but not when he flunks math or english.

38) You consider ABS and traction control as options for the 'driving impaired.'
Item 1 brought a smile to my face:
1) The emissions test guy starts laughing as soon as you pull into their bay

True story: I used to do car race prep and customizations. I had put a lot of work into my personal car - Datsun 240 Z w/ 331 CI chevy small block and custom digital fuel injection run by a GRID laptop. My friend and I were looking over at the emissions line and saw it unusually short so thought we would go through for the laughs. The inspector took a look and went in the office to bring out his supervisor. They both walked around the car shaking their heads. Finally the super came to my window and said "you have ruined a perfectly good automobile". I replied that it took thousands to do that...
We got our laugh for the day.