AnthonyZ
Active Member
For me, as well as others, 2009 was a blood bath. It was a year filled with uncertainty, insecurity, doubt and fear. In my case, the worst of it was personal as my marriage disintegrated even faster than our savings (reconciliation is the goal, we’ll see). As the New Year broke, I found myself a man without a country. I have left my home (which we’ll likely lose due to financial issues), children and pride behind. I am struggling to continue being a stable presence in my kid’s lives. Complicating matters, I lost my driver’s license (to points, lead foot is an understatement) and, thus, am riding the “loser cruiserâ€.
From a career perspective, I have not done well. The issues between my wife and I required me to be home and prevented me from focusing on work. As such, I have been an impediment to the growth of my employer’s business. I had switched hats from dealer to vendor midyear and, quite frankly, performed poorly in both roles. It’s a drag to admit but, it’s true.
So, why write this? Here? I have invested a great deal of time into personal reflection over the last month and I’m coming to grips with some of my “stuffâ€.
First, I’ve realized that my pride, selfishness and ego require real change and adjustment. I can no longer pursue work for the sake of engagement in the industry that I love. Rather, I owe it to my family to pursue work for the sake of work. I can no longer continue “playing†a professional and be one. Whether or not I am able to stay within the A/V and automation industry remains to be seen.
Second, I believe that I am in this place in order to focus on my character rather than my happiness.
Lastly, I am actively seeking a job. This has meant that I need to be really honest with myself and concede that, while I’m adept at encouragement and "cheer leading", I’m not a terribly good sales person. A large part of this is recognizing that I have been incapable of separating my passion, pride and, yes, personal opinions, from my work. With that said, I’m unsure as to where I’ll end up (in this economy, I may well end up anywhere) but I welcome insight, advice, prayers and/or job leads from the community.
Anthony
From a career perspective, I have not done well. The issues between my wife and I required me to be home and prevented me from focusing on work. As such, I have been an impediment to the growth of my employer’s business. I had switched hats from dealer to vendor midyear and, quite frankly, performed poorly in both roles. It’s a drag to admit but, it’s true.
So, why write this? Here? I have invested a great deal of time into personal reflection over the last month and I’m coming to grips with some of my “stuffâ€.
First, I’ve realized that my pride, selfishness and ego require real change and adjustment. I can no longer pursue work for the sake of engagement in the industry that I love. Rather, I owe it to my family to pursue work for the sake of work. I can no longer continue “playing†a professional and be one. Whether or not I am able to stay within the A/V and automation industry remains to be seen.
Second, I believe that I am in this place in order to focus on my character rather than my happiness.
Lastly, I am actively seeking a job. This has meant that I need to be really honest with myself and concede that, while I’m adept at encouragement and "cheer leading", I’m not a terribly good sales person. A large part of this is recognizing that I have been incapable of separating my passion, pride and, yes, personal opinions, from my work. With that said, I’m unsure as to where I’ll end up (in this economy, I may well end up anywhere) but I welcome insight, advice, prayers and/or job leads from the community.
Anthony