Possibly the best use of an HA system


Senior Member
So, I posted a link to this in another thread. Here's the link and the some of the text from the page for easy reading:


Film Noir Home

A very 'wired' home which knows what you're doing and uses voice synthesis to announce, in the first person, what you are doing. Then to make your life seem like Film Noir, all you have to do is to wear dark sunglasses so that everything looks a bit murky.

For example, you wake up in the night and go and get a glass of water. As you fill your glass from the kitchen tap, a dark, gravelly voice announces "It was late at night and I couldn't sleep - I was thirsty so I went to get a glass of water".

[Addendum: The marketing for this system will allow users to buy exciting Film Noir accessories, such as:
1. Those gun holsters that hold a gun somewhere under your left armpit
2. Chrome cigarette cases
3. The right kind of hardboiled-detective hat
etc., etc.]
— hippo, Jul 20 2000

Some of the comments from the page:
For a bit of added Noir-esque feeling, you could install a sprinkler system and internal guttering to ensure that it was always raining. "5:30am. I dropped my pants and prepared to take a dump. It was still raining..."
— DrBob, Jul 20 2000

Magnificent! And say, when you're bored and doing nothing of interest, silent and motionless, there could be a randomly-generated hired goon to visit your house and threaten you with strange and mysterious non-sequieurs.

"I see you've had the window fixed? Where's the Black Bird?"

"Mr Kenning wants to see you. Have you seen the Dizzy Duke today?"
— harquin, Jul 25 2000

One accessory you would definitely have to include is a film noir car - one that makes the outside world look suspiciously like a screen projection. And of course it comes with a femme fatale in the passenger seat, with the voice saying "She knew that I knew that she knew about Arbogast and the stolen necklace..."
— kimble, Jul 25 2000

As an L.A. native, the lower sunlight level here in Western Canada often makes me feel like I'm living in a Film Noir House. As far as the "narration" goes, my wife often follows me from room to room to criticize me, so I'll just get her to switch from the second person to the third. It sounds more sarcastic, so I'm sure she'll go along with it.
— Ander, Jul 26 2000

hippo was all over me like a cheap suit but I could recognise flattery when I saw it. He had a smile like a crocodile and I knew he was setting me up for a fall...
— DrBob, Jul 28 2000

His name was DrBob. Probably not a real doctor but these days who cares? Right then I didn't know what he was thinking; I was pretty sure he suspected but at that moment I just didn't care one way or the other. My eyes felt like they had been fried in gravel; It was time to call it a night.
[Um, obviously in the production version I'll contract out the writing of the Film Noir dialogue to someone who knows what they're doing.]
— hippo, Jul 28 2000, last modified Aug 01 2000

He sat at the keyboard contemplating the idea. He knew that the dame behind him didn't like it... but that only made it more appealing to him.
Tommorow was another day. The babe had legs up to here, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, he told himself as he clicked on the "for" link. He'd make it up to her later. He always did.
— spaceman_spiff, Jan 22 2002